I want to start out this blog post by wishing an early Happy Mother's Day out there to all the mothers. That includes mothers who struggle with infertility, mothers who have lost, fur moms, foster moms, step moms, and of course birth moms. Mothers are a rare type of breed. Incredibly strong, courageous, and loving women. This happens to be my fourth mother's day as a mom...with no child. I am a birth mom, with an open adoption, who chose another set of parents to raise my daughter.
2018 was the first year I was aware of the day before Mother's day, known as Birth Mother's Day. It was a day that was created back in 1990 by a group of birth women in Seattle, who wanted a day to honor birth moms for their sacrificial choice. Birth Mother's Day is always the day before Mother's Day and is a day to honor, support, and acknowledge the courageous, heartfelt decision that was made by the biological mother of an adopted child. Notoriously, Mother's Day is one of the toughest days of the year for a birth mom. The birthday of the child/children they placed is up there as well. It is a day where we are reminded of our decision to place our child into the arms of another woman. To take on that role as mother in our child’s life. It is hard.
The number one question I get from people is "Do you regret your decision?" My answer always is "Absolutely not."
I have no regrets what so ever for what I have done for my Grace. I was not able to give her what she needed at the time she was brought into this world. A home with two parents, something that I always pictured my family starting as. Knowing that there are couples out there who are not able to have children of their own and long to have just that; children to raise. I knew open adoption was right for me. I knew the couple I chose was right for me, and of course Grace.
All along when I was going through my adoption process, and before I came across Grace's adoptive parents, I had certain expectations I was looking for in couples. I wanted a two parent household, I wanted them to be a bit older (not in their 20's, as I couldn't imagine placing my child with people my age and how I would feel like a complete failure) and completely established in their careers/comfortable. I wanted a loving home and of course to be driving distance from me. I wanted an open adoption, where we would still be able to have occasional visits and updates. And most importantly I wanted a family that I knew could
not have children on their own.
To be able to help create a family and know that they are complete with your child makes me not regret my decision. Knowing Grace fits right in with her family and that she is exactly where she is meant to be. She is loved beyond measure and that is all I ever envisioned. We can never have enough people loving up on us! My open adoption plan also makes me not regret my decision. I can watch Grace grow up and she will know me. She will know her story, her medical history, and how many people love her from afar, too! I've said it before and I will say it again, I am jealous of my daughter and her life. Ha!
I didn't wake up one day and think to myself "I want to be a birth mom!". No kid wishes that or aspires to be a birth mom when they're younger. Shoot, most people don’t even know what a birth mom is. I know I didn’t! I definitely never imagined this being my life path, but here we are. We do recover. We do change. We do grow. We end up on these paths that we are meant to be on.
So, for all the mothers out there, take care of yourself this weekend. This can be a hard weekend for a lot of women out there, parenting or not. Hold them close to your hearts.
Be sure to surround yourself with good people this weekend. I am grateful to have my boyfriend I can lean on who has already recognized what day it is coming up and asking “What do you want to do?” “Do you want to be alone?” “Do you want to be distracted?” Knowing I have options on how I want to handle the weekend, depending on my emotions, helps me to get through it.